What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Can I use the LEG PRESS to build muscle?

I could never make a relationship work though!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

I waited trembling.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Why would my nipples hurt when I touch them?

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Why is Jack Smith arguing that presidents should not have full immunities as Trump is requesting?

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Can you share 100 facts about yourself?

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Put me off passion for life!!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

What was your first impression of The Carter V by Lil Wayne? Did it feel like 2008 Wayne, when you heard the first few songs.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I was very sick at this time too.

She married twice! .

Where are the big girls? This is the first time I've seen a bigger lady boy and that's awesome .. you should post more of them here, nothing wrong with a thick black lady

When she asked me how she looked .

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He knew the spot.

What are the different celebrity lists (A-list, B-list, C-list, D-list)? How does one become a part of these lists and move up or down in status?

Would this be the day?

One cannot live in the past .

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

What do you like about McDonald's?

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I was 9 years of age.

Do you anal play alone?

But, we were locked up after school.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

She was in good health!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

But it wasn’t much.

We all went to grammer schools

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

She found it foreign!.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I had hoped to write a book about this .

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

All the time i was locked up.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

He resisted the act ,that day.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I said to her

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

And i lived it daily.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I was scared of men, in general

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I think the readers, may guess!

Comes on , in middle age.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

(And it was in our own minds.)

Im still living with it.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Ive learnt so much.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

But ive been too sick for many years..

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I have no regrets .

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

She loved him until the end.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

So, i spoilt her more .

She wouldn,t have been !

They are buried together, in the same grave..

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My family never makes their pension either.

So whats the point in blame.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

Especially a lifetime of it.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I will be 64.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Was to survive, this bastard.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

This is soul school!.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I don,t even have a pension.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

My life is so biszare .

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I write beautiful poetry .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

What did i know ?

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I was seconnd youngest,

Who then, do I blame.?

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

We were not on the streets..

It was going to be , some day.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!